Stop expecting, when you're expecting...

 "The Lord will fight for you, you only need to be still..." Exodus 14:14

I haven't written in a few months because I felt like I should wait for the next big step in our adoption process. I wanted my next blog to be about the phone call we received telling us we have been matched. The truth... waiting is hard. I've finished my checklist, all the paperwork has been submitted, we are home-study approved, we registered, the nursery is ready... we just need the phone to ring. As difficult and painful as the first few months were dealing with the sting of infertility and the piles of work and fundraising ahead of us, I think this last month has been the hardest so far. The stillness, quiet, and not having a "to-do" list have left me extremely uncomfortable.

Last Sunday, I found myself angry during worship at church. Our pastor had spoke on how our God is a good God who wants good things for His children, and that His purpose for our lives is for us to experience His joy. I was confused at why He wasn't giving me a next step in our calling to adopt and really felt abandoned and alone...and bargained in my prayer that if He would just give me a baby I would experience joy. I know, childish right? When I got really honest with myself I knew the reason it was bothering me so much is because Jesus was taking away the walls of "busy-ness" I had built around my heart to protect me from being emotionally vulnerable with Him. I knew as long as I had a box to check I didn't have to face the ugly truth... that I was searching so desperately for my baby and preparing so hard for him/her, instead of placing my focus and my pursuit on Jesus and finding my satisfaction in Him alone.

Sometimes, Jesus brings us to a place where we feel like we aren't doing anything and it frustrates us, when we are exactly where He wants us to be... and He just wants us to sit for awhile with Him and for that to be enough. He wants our worship more than He wants our preparations, during our waiting (Luke 10:38-42). So that's what I've been doing the last couple of weeks... sitting still at Jesus' feet and listening. My heart has grown so full it feels like it will burst and He has taught me so so much during this waiting period. I am content for the first time in a very long time and no longer looking to the next box to check. I am confident He will provide because His promises do not return void and He wants more for me than I could ever want for myself.

So I challenge you to allow yourself to be vulnerable with Jesus, set aside some time for Him to break down walls in your life. True fulfillment doesn't come the way we think it does—through our striving, achieving, conquering, and acquiring.
Jesus teaches us in the scriptures that true joy and fulfillment comes through sacrificing ourselves for others—through being vulnerable even to those who reject us. It comes through pouring out ourselves for others, and trusting God to fill us back up (John 12:23-25). Jesus uses circumstances in our lives, especially our places of woundedness, brokenness, disappointment, and rejection, for good. We are all reliant on Him all the time, but all too often, we fail to grasp this. When bad things happen, we turn to Jesus (just like David did in Psalms) with our fears because we have nowhere else to go. At that point in time we realize that no friend, no doctor, no medication can fill the deepest longings of our hearts, and so we cry out to Jesus.

When we feel like we just can't do it or don't want to be vulnerable, we can be reminded that He became vulnerable to us. He died naked, abandoned, and alone on the cross. Even God turned His back on Jesus on the cross, so Jesus could experience hell for us. Just as He did for the cross, God can transform our weakest, ugliest, most shameful places into sources of beauty that can bring Him glory. This has been such a sweet reminder that we will never "arrive" or know all there is to know about Him. He has so much to teach me and I have so much to learn from Him. It's in this vulnerable state that my prayer has changed from "God, make me a mother" to "God, mold me into the mother you want me to be... no matter how long it takes."

So, it's not that He doesn't want me to be excited or plan for this beautiful promise of a baby. It's not that checking all of those boxes were wrong. Jesus wants me to be expectant during this time, but to be more expectant of what He has planned, than what I do... 

I try and stay in touch with my readers on a personal level through social media. Share this post to pass it on, and then click here to find me on Facebook.

What's this "Adoption Puzzle" thing??

We are so excited about our adoption and we KNOW without a doubt that this is EXACTLY what God is calling us to do. Not in a year, not in 5 years, but right now!

Our best guess is that our adoption will cost close to $15,000 - $20,000. So, in an attempt to help offset some of the costs, we are asking people to sponsor a puzzle piece for $5 per piece. If you buy a puzzle piece, we will write your name on the front of the piece. Once all the pieces are sold, and the puzzle is completed, we will frame the puzzle with the names facing outward. We would like to hang this in our nursery as a thank you to all of the people who are helping us make this adoption possible, and so that our son or daughter will grow up seeing the names of each person who prayed and supported their adoption story.

If you would like to sponsor a puzzle piece, you can make your payment through Paypal. To donate through Paypal just click the link on the right-hand side of this blog. You'll have to put in the amount of pieces you would like to sponsor, at $5 per piece.

Please note that you do not have to have a Paypal account to make this payment online. Just click on the "Donate" button and then scroll down the page to the section that says "Don't have a Paypal account?" Click "Continue" and it will take you to a page to make your payment without having to create an account.

If you are not comfortable with Paypal, but would like to purchase a puzzle piece or two, feel free to send me an email. I'll let you know our address and you can send us a check. My email address is elizabethadoption@gmail.com. And if you would like to buy more than one puzzle piece, we would be very grateful!

Thank you all for your ongoing prayers and support!!

 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future" - Jeremiah 29:11 

I try and stay in touch with my readers on a personal level through social media. Share this post to pass it on, and then click here to find me on Facebook. 

An Update

After months of tests, retests, waiting, and praying. On November 26th we received the news outside of a miracle, we will not conceive a child. The truth is I had prepared myself to get this news. The sting of the pain that I felt in that moment wasn't as sharp as I expected it would be. Grace. God had been preparing me for that day my entire life. In the few months before that day I had been waking up with nightmares in the middle of the night... A baby in a dark room screaming, A toddler in a basement screaming, "Mommy!!" I would wake up in tears and Chip would calm me down. I just couldn't understand why God was torturing me. One day during that time I had coffee with a good friend of mine and she said something that ever since has been the force driving me toward our decision. "Burden plus opportunity, equals calling." God had began to place on my heart a heavy burden that there was a child out there that needed us. Through those dreams, Jesus was revealing to me the calling He was placing on mine and Chip's life...

Chip and I have decided, with much prayer that Jesus is calling us to adopt a child. This has not been a hard decision, although I have picked it apart scrutinizing everything to make sure this is the path God is leading us down. We have always wanted to adopt a child, we just assumed it would be after having biological children, but God had other plans. We already love this child more than anyone can imagine, because it is already our child. God knew the day I was conceived, that He would bless me with a child and I've held that promise in my heart ever since. Our Father is a promise maker, and a promise keeper.

This child is already a member of a family who loves him/her so much. This child has so many people praying for them. This child gets to begin its' life surrounded by love.

We are so excited to begin this journey, and though we know there are still "labor pains" ahead, we are so blessed to have friends/family like you to walk beside us every step.

Please pray for Baby Bordeaux, that he/she will one day begin a relationship with Jesus and use their story to bring glory to Him.

Please pray for the social workers, attorneys, birth mothers, and everyone else that we will cross paths with along the way, that they will see Jesus through us.

Please pray for our family as the news is still reaching some. Pray for understanding and that God can use our story to share His love and our need for Him.

Lastly, please pray for Chip and I... there is a mountain of information, forms, and financial commitments ahead that terrify us. I think the biggest fear is the money; however, I am confident that Jesus has called us to this and that He will provide our every need.

If you feel led to make a donation, you can click on the yellow "Donate" button at the top right of the screen, or send a check to us at 122 Lake Dr. Liberty, SC 29657.

I try and stay in touch with my readers on a personal level through social media. Share this post to pass it on, and then click here to find me on Facebook.